to wanna-be moms and gonna-be moms (the first timers)

I definitely recommend this.

I've talked to some future moms lately. Some are already pregnant. Some plan to be one day. The questions I usually get asked first are "What's your favorite thing about being a mom?" or "What's the hardest thing about being a mom?"

Those type of questions are always hard for me to answer. I have a hard time choosing a favorite movie, let alone choosing my favorite part of motherhood. It changes each day.

So does the hardest thing. I don't think being a mom is hard in general, but of course, there are hard moments each day. And they change day to day.

But, I do have some opinions about motherhood (emphasis on opinions...I definitely don't claim to know much!). Here are my thoughts on some things that God has been teaching me since I became pregnant and now as I try to mother my five month old baby boy... 

1.  "Expectation is the root of all heartache."

I found this quote and it is very questionable if anyone famous actually ever said it. 
It is not a William Shakespeare quote, say his adoring fans. I don't know who said it, but I think there is some truth to it. Aaron and I talk about expectations a lot. They are almost always the root cause of our frustrations and disappointments. (example being: I expect him to do such and such a thing even though I may not say it out loud, and when he doesn't do that thing, I'm frustrated with him.)

I do think there is such a thing as a good expectation and I definitely don't think you should go around expecting the worst from everything and everyone just so you're not ever disappointed.

All of that being said, let's get around to what it has to do with having a baby, specifically, labor and delivery:  have reasonable expectations. 

On the one hand, I think you should expect the best. Having a negative expectation of labor won't make it easier. You'll be so worried about it that you will probably be very tense and on edge. It will be easier if you have a healthy expectation that yes, it's not going to be a day at the spa, but it's going to go by fairly quickly, and you'll probably be like "Aw that wasn't too bad let's have another one someday."

Now, on the other hand, I don't think it's wise to go into labor with a very cut and dry expectation of how it will go for you. There are all of these templates out for making your "birth plan." I don't think there's anything wrong with having a plan...in fact, I'm typically all about a plan, and I filled out one of those birth plans for fun. But, with having a baby, I think the best plan is:  Do whatever you need to do to have a healthy baby delivered safely.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with planning on a natural labor. But if that's your expectation and that's your only plan, what happens if it doesn't work out? You shouldn't feel like a failure because you need to have surgery or use some medication. Your baby might need to arrive safely that way.

There's also nothing wrong with a plan to have an epidural. But, if you're like, "Give me an epidural right away! I can't do it without one!" Well, that expectation might not work out the way you want.

So, I'm not saying you shouldn't plan on natural labor or plan on an epidural or whatever else. I'm just saying don't expect it to go that way with no questions asked. It might, and that would be great. But if it doesn't, you might be in for some unnecessary heartache.

Expect the best, have an idea of how you want things to go, but be willing to change your plan if you need to. It will be less stressful for everyone involved.

2.  Have confidence in the decisions you make.

God created you and will help you be the mom your baby needs. You are made just for your baby! There are so many options for how to do things when it comes to having and raising a baby...

Birth at home with a midwife? Birth in a hospital with an OBGYN?
Disposable diapers? Cloth diapers?
Breastfeeding? Formula?
Stay at home? Go back to work?
Co-sleeping? Sleep training?
Demand feeding? Scheduled feeding?


The list goes on.

I am pretty sure that most parents love their babies so much that they would do anything for them. With that kind of love, you're going to do what's best for your baby because you can't help but do what's best for them. And you and your spouse get to decide what's best. Not people's opinions on Facebook. Not a lactation consultant. Not a book. You and your spouse. That's it.

What you decide is best for your baby might seem like the opposite of what is best to someone else. But that's their opinion. And they don't know your baby and your family like you do.

So, do some research. Always keep your baby's health and safety in mind. But when it comes down to it, choose what works for you and don't worry about what others think about it.

People often like to pick a side of the things I listed above and then condemn the other side. Yes, there are some things that we all have to agree on like eating healthy during pregnancy and getting exercise. When the baby comes, we would agree that they need to eat, sleep, and have their basic needs met. 

However, how you do those things is really up to you. There isn't a right answer. If you want to breastfeed, that's awesome. If you can't or choose not to, that's awesome too. Your baby will be loved and healthy either way. And you are an amazing mom either way. This goes for all of the things listed above.

You will figure out what works for your family. Make a decision with your spouse and then be confident in the decision you make.

Remember, God had you in mind for your baby. Seek Him, talk with your spouse, trust your mommy instincts, and then don't worry about anything or anyone else.

3.  Have a schedule/routine, but be flexible.

I think schedules and routines are really good for babies and for their families. They help everyone know what to expect, including the baby. You don't have to rush right into a strict schedule the minute you get home from the hospital. But, eventually, when you are all feeling ready, some kind of daily schedule is very helpful.  Even if it shifts a little each day, it will give you an idea of how to plan things out that you need to get done. And it will help your baby regulate their eating and sleeping.

Now, some days, the schedule goes straight down the drain for various reasons. Moreover, you should never be so strict with your schedule that you aren't giving your baby what they need. If your baby is truly hungry or sleepy "when it's not time" don't deprive them of sleep or food!

And it's okay to not follow your schedule somedays (I'm telling myself this too!) Sometimes, it's okay to run out during nap time. If there's a night every once in awhile that you need to be out past bedtime, everyone will survive. I promise. 




4. Make necessary changes to your lifestyle, but don't let life completely revolve around your baby.

You may have to say no to some things that you could do easily before a baby came along. Those late night movies on a whim are a thing of the past. 

But life doesn't stop forever. It doesn't change totally and completely. After the first couple of weeks (when life really does seem to stop), introduce things from your "old life" back in gradually. Cleaning, errands, exercise, dates. Everything that you used to do is still possible, it just requires extra planning, time, and help. 

Babies require a lot of your emotions, your money, your patience, your time, your laundry room. Yes, it's easy to get overwhelmed.

I've learned that flexibility and prioritizing are so very important, as well as accepting help.  Whether it be from your husband, your parents, your in-laws, or friends. Find some trusted people that love your baby and let them help you. You aren't in this alone.

Most importantly, whatever else you do, find time to ask the One who made you and your baby for his help each day. He will give you strength and wisdom to get through every difficult moment.

Goodness. That's a lot. I don't know if it is helpful to anyone, but if it is, I'm glad. I really just want you girls that are about to be a mom or want to be a mom to know that you are wise and capable and you will love your baby more than you can imagine. And because you love them so much, you will know what's best for them. And as you figure out what works for you and for your baby, you may see something on social media or Facebook that calls the way you're choosing wrong or neglectful or crazy or unhealthy. But most likely, it's not. What's considered "good" or "bad" is always changing. (Your parents probably had totally different "rules" when they had you and their parents before them and so on!) If you are using your common sense and your "mommy sense" and making decisions that work for your family, you are doing an awesome thing. 

You will be an amazing mother. You will make some mistakes, but you will learn from them. You will have a hard day, but you will get a smile from that little face that will make it all better. You will find some things that seemed scary to be not scary at all. You will find things that looked easy to be very difficult.

You can do it though. No doubt. You will be the mom God created just for your baby. And you are enough. Because the Jesus in you is more than enough.