on March 19th (it's here!)

Well, today is my due date! I can't believe it's here! I know we may not meet Graeme today, but that's okay. He will be here very soon, and I am just happy to have come this far. Nine months!

Sunday, July 14, 2013 was when we saw our first positive pregnancy test. That was 248 days ago. Crazy.

I was looking back in my journals to remember some of the hard times and great times of this pregnancy. I keep a journal during my quiet time as much as I can (not always as much as I should). Plus, Aaron bought me a "pregnancy journal" back when we first found out about our little Baby Bauer.

The very first written record I have of Graeme (before we even knew he was a boy or his name!) is from July 25, 2013 in my personal journal. I'll fill you in on some of it. The dots are where I skip some stuff.

"You have answered my prayer again. We are pregnant!

....

Yesterday we went to the doctor. We could only see a little black dot on the screen. The doctor said I was only 5 1/2 weeks a long.

....

I don't want to live in fear during this pregnancy [because of our previous miscarriage]. Lord, I know you have a plan for this baby greater than we can imagine. I know this baby is not mine. Not ours. But yours."

Looking back now, I can say with confidence that God did have a plan for this baby and He continued to prove His faithfulness over and over again! At the beginning especially, it was hard for me to be completely excited all of the time because there would often be a fear that would creep in. I did a lot of surrendering my thoughts and worries. I know now more than ever that God is faithful. No matter what.

On August 9, 2013 we got to see our baby for the first time (when you could actually make out a baby shape at least). We saw the little heart beating (didn't get to hear it that time) like a steady blinking light. It was one of the best days of my whole life.

The first trimester was halfway over, and I was definitely feeling yucky. I wrote in my pregnancy journal a few days after that appointment...

"I've definitely felt you [baby] in there this month...unfortunately, it's been because I've been sick a lot more! I just try to remember that it's all worth it. I'd be sick for you any day, sweet baby!"

It was a little over a month until our next appointment, which seemed like forever (little did I know how hard the waiting got at the end!). We got to hear Baby Bauer's heartbeat this time, although they couldn't find it right away (all I could do was pray or I would have freaked out a lot more!). When we heard it by ultrasound, it was amazing, miraculous, wonderful, and all of the other happy emotions. We went home and announced our happy news to the world (wide web) afterwards.

The next day I praised God for again proving His faithfulness to me...

"Yesterday, as I was lying there and they couldn't find the heartbeat and then waiting for the ultrasound, I heard You ask if I still trusted You. And it was then that I felt peace. I can't praise You enough for bringing us through this next milestone. Thank You that the baby is safe and healthy. I'm glad You love it more than I do."

We had made it to the second trimester, and I would say I was pretty happy about it according to my thoughts back then (although, now, it's hard for me to remember being so sick!)...

"This last month was definitely the most challenging so far. I've been pretty tired and sick! The last couple of days I've finally felt much better. I think I've hit the much bragged on second trimester."

On October 23, 2013 we finally got go see if our Baby Bauer was a boy or a girl. I could hardly sleep the night before because I was so excited.

A couple of days before the appointment I had written...

"I can't get over this miracle inside of me. You have created life absolutely amazing. Whoever this baby is, they are Yours. Even though we are excited to see if there is a little Graeme or _____ (still keeping this name a secret!) in there, we really only pray for a healthy baby. We are all in Your hands. I trust You no matter what."

As we all know now, we found out we were indeed having a sweet, snuggly boy!

I wrote in my pregnancy journal as prompted by it that My first reaction [to finding out the gender] was...

"I don't know! It was surreal. I couldn't believe we finally knew. After it sunk in, I was beyond excited. A little boy. I love you so much already, Graeme. I feel like you are even more real. Of course you've been real. But seeing all of your tiny working body parts, your little face, and knowing your gender make it much more tangible. I can't wait to meet you and help shape you into the man God created you to be!"

This blog is getting really long! Sorry. I'll try to sum up the end quickly because I've said most of this in my weekly updates anyway.

The second trimester was a breeze and flew by thanks to birthdays and holidays. I felt great since about the 14th week. We also had fun getting the nursery all painted and ready. Other milestones were feeling the first kicks around week 17 (a few weeks later for Aaron to be able to feel them). In trimester two, I bought two pairs of maternity jeans, one pair of maternity "comfy pants," and one maternity shirt. I was given everything else! So that was awesome. I have not needed to buy anything since then for my wardrobe and still wear almost all my "normal" shirts (jeans are a different story).

As Christmas passed, we entered into the third trimester, and thankfully, I have continued to feel great even to this day. No complaints. Like I said at the beginning of this post, God has over and over again proven His love and faithfulness to me throughout this pregnancy. 

I will end with a couple more thoughts from my journals...

From my pregnancy journal, the prompt was My wishes and hopes and dreams for you (Graeme)...

"I want you to be amazed my your Creator and have a heart that's drawn to Him even as a young child. I pray You will know His love and choose to follow Him forever."

And lastly, from February 11, a good reminder to me as all of this comes to be reality soon...

"Every once in awhile, the fact that I'm going to have a child scares me a little. I guess because it's unknown. I can't imagine doing this without Aaron. And we couldn't do this without You.

I want to always rely on You and your Word for wisdom in parenting. 

When there's bad days, I don't want to forget that You're with me.

When there's good days, I want to give You the glory because it sure won't be because of me!

Help me not to waste a single moment of the short time Graeme is with me. I want him to grow up to be so in love with You."

So then, here we are on March 19, 2014. It's been quite a journey, and I wouldn't trade any of it. The destination is right around the corner. At least, the first stop is. Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts as I'm distracting myself today as much as possible!

(Also, for an actual update, if you've made it this far:  if Graeme doesn't show up today, we go in tomorrow for an ultrasound to check on him. Depending on the findings, we can discuss options for his arrival. So, we are pretty pumped to "see" him tomorrow regardless! We won't complain if he makes us miss the appointment though!)