the story of Graeme's arrival (part 2)

If you missed part 1, check it out here first!



After I knew for sure that I wasn't being sent away and that we were definitely having a baby before we left the hospital, my whole attitude was greatly improved.

Contractions? Those little pains that came and went? They were no problem (that's only slight exaggeration)!

Megan, our nurse, got us "officially" set up in the labor room we were already in. She then brought in everything to hook me up to the IV. She couldn't quite get it in my wrist (I now have a giant ugly bruise to prove it), so she had a different nurse come in. 

This nurse proceeded to hook it way up my arm past my elbow, which I thought was strange, but whatever. While she was literally about to stick a needle in my arm, the heart rate monitor on Graeme stopped. I remembered from our childbirth class that this was pretty normal.

Megan also reassured me that he had probably just grabbed his umbilical cord and I needed to move to a different position so we could find him again.

Despite her calm voice, she hurried me to roll over this way and that. Then she paged the doctor. Keep in mind there is another nurse keeping my arm still with a needle about to go in it. I think the whole situation only lasted about 10 seconds, but it was quite the ordeal. Thankfully, we heard his heart pick right up where it left off when I had rolled over to my other side. The call to the doctor was cancelled. And the only bad part of the whole thing was that I still had to have a needle shoved in my arm and a tube taped up in there. It's all for the cause, I know.

After all of that drama, things calmed down. I wasn't ready for an epidural but took some pain medication through my IV. Megan warned us that it would probably make me a little loopy. Aaron was excited about that.

It was a pretty odd feeling once it hit me. Everything seemed pretty funny. Plus, Megan, who I have already said is awesome, was quite hilarious. Her and Aaron quickly bonded over their love of making up random songs, coming up with movie quotes for every situation, and breaking out in random accents. Lucky for me, I was not short on good entertainment to distract me.

Soon, we were visited by my parents, my brother and his fiancé, and Aaron's parents. They were laughing at my good mood. 

Aaron's dad said, "I've never seen someone smile so much while they were in labor!"

Not to say I still wasn't hurting from the contractions every few minutes, but the thought that Graeme would be coming so soon was way more distracting. And when the contractions did come, I made sure whoever was in there just kept talking to keep my mind occupied as much as possible. It was much more helpful if they carried on and pretended I was not making a face of pain and breathing weird.

Eventually, after about two hours, Megan and I decided it was time to put in the call for the epidural. The doctor was going to come break my water, and she said it was probably a good idea to have it done before then. At this point, even though I had been dreading the epidural (I've had one before so I knew what it entailed), I knew it was going to ensure less pain in the long run.

Aaron had all along stated that he couldn't stand to be in the room for my epidural. This was fine with me. You could only have one person in the room anyway, and that person had to sit down no matter how "tough" they were. My mom, a former nurse, was more than willing to sit in there with me.

Megan helped me up to go to the bathroom one more time. When I came back, Aaron came over to the side of the bed. "If you really want me to stay with you, I will."

"Oh!" I said surprised. I thought to myself, "Is he saying that because he's trying to be nice or because now he is regretting saying he would leave?"

I studied his face for a few seconds, but couldn't tell. He looked nervous, but that had been his face for a lot of the situations during this day anyway.

"Well," I finally said, "Of course I would choose you to be in here over anyone." I felt like that still left it a little open-ended. To clarify though, I added, "But I really will not be upset at all if you can't. I definitely don't want you to pass out. You need to be around for what happens later!"

To my surprise, he said he would stay. Megan told him he would still have time to change his mind, and my mom agreed to be right outside if needed.

When it was just me, Megan, and Aaron in the room again, she started getting us set up. I sat on the edge of the bed, and she brought a chair over for Aaron. Aaron, by the way, was starting to look quite pale.

Megan started to explain what was about to happen, and Aaron started to look worse. Megan commented on his demeanor.

"Yeah, um, I feel really light-headed."

I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I didn't think there was a way him being in there would end well. "Are you sure you want to stay? I really don't care either way. It won't take long. My mom can come in here."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes."

He left, and I was glad to know that he would be awake for the more important act of his son being born later.


I was filled in later of what occurred when Aaron went out in the hallway...

Apparently my dad had stopped to use the restroom so my mom was standing right outside of the men's door waiting for him. Aaron came hurrying down the hall exclaiming, "Switch! Switch! Switch!" My mom, worried about me, wasted no time in even talking to Aaron but hurried to my room. Aaron, not knowing my dad was in the bathroom made his way to the lobby. That left my poor dad completely alone and clueless when he finally emerged. He said he waited thinking she had gone to the bathroom. He tried calling her too. Eventually, he just gave up and figured he was abandoned. Of course it was all explained later.


Back to our story then...

My mom came back in the room and took Aaron's chair, followed by the anesthesiologist.

He was very nice and made me feel a lot better. Obviously he does his job hundreds of times a day, so I knew I was in good hands.

The epidural was just as awful as I remember it, but I guess it's not the worst thing ever. I squeezed my mom's hands to death, but she didn't complain. I was definitely glad when it was over. I got situated back in the bed and Aaron came back in.

Just a few minutes later, around 11pm, Dr. Anderson came in to break my water. I really couldn't feel anything at all, but was glad to hear that everything looked to be in great shape up in there with Graeme. I had also progressed to five centimeters. We were halfway there. Now it was just waiting for Graeme to make his way into the world!

To be continued...

the story of Graeme's arrival (part 1)

Hi!

So much has happened since my last post on Wednesday, March 19th. Just nine days ago.

Last Wednesday, my due date, went by.

Last Thursday went by.

We did have an ultrasound on Thursday. Graeme looked great in there and was floating around in plenty of fluid. I, however, was still only 1 centimeter dilated. They also estimated Graeme to weigh about 8 pounds, 10 ounces. Since that was getting pretty big, we discussed induction for the following week. We left trusting that Graeme would come on his own before that was needed!

Then last Friday went by just like normal. I was still trying to be optimistic about this whole "late" thing. Being late for anything is just not my style.

We went to bed on Friday night with no baby in sight. However, at 4:00 in the morning on Saturday, I was awakened by my bladder. Nothing new there, actually. But soon I was kept awake by contractions. They were a bit more painful than in the past, and after an hour of just laying there keeping track of them in my head, I woke Aaron up and we started timing them. They were between 3-6 minutes apart.

At 6:00am, they were still coming consistently, and moderately painful. So I decided to take a shower. 

An hour later, they were still happening. They hadn't gotten any closer together, but they weren't going away and they were not getting less painful.

I was hesitant to call the doctor too soon. I knew that since it was a weekend, we would be making the thirty minute drive to the hospital if we were going to get a labor check.

Finally, at 9:00am, I called the on-call doctor. To my great surprise, my favorite doctor from our office, Dr. Anderson, was on-call that day. He would have been the doctor to deliver me if I had been induced. He told us to come on in for a labor check. We took Penny out and let our friend Robyn know that we may need her to get Penny in a little bit. We were trying not to be set on staying at the hospital. We didn't know yet what the day would hold.

We got to the hospital around 10:00am and got set up in a triage room. They got me hooked up to the monitors and we were soon listening to the miraculous sound of Graeme's heartbeat and were able to monitor my contractions. That was kind of fun, despite the pain and whatnot.

Aaron did his best to entertain me as always.

Hospital sock puppet is always a good time.

When the doctor came in, I had progressed from 1 centimeter at my last check to 2.5 centimeters. That was encouraging, but not enough to get admitted yet. We were told to walk around the hospital for an hour and then come back to the room.

We got to know the Rex Hospital hallways quite well, and my contractions were definitely feeling worse. We got back to the room and strapped back in to the monitors, and we waited for another check.

To my dismay, as I was now experiencing contractions that felt much worse, we hadn't made any more progress.

They sent us away with our sad puppy faces and said, "You could be back here in a couple hours or a couple days."

Gee thanks.

Aaron asked how we knew when to come back since my contractions were already consistent and less than five minutes apart. Obviously if my water broke, that would be something. Otherwise, was I doomed to pain for up to two days?!

The nurse said, "Oh, you'll know if your contractions get bad enough to come back."

That didn't necessarily sound helpful, but away we went. We didn't want to go all the way back home yet, so we had Robyn grab Penny and decided to hang out around the hospital for awhile.

We drove over to Crabtree and had lunch. I was still having awful contractions, but I was not in dying pain yet. We devoured a pizza since we hadn't eaten since breakfast around 7am.

Then we walked around the mall for an hour just seeing if something would happen before we drove all the way back home. People looked at us strangely because every 3-4 minutes I gripped Aaron's arm in a death squeeze and tried not to look as bad as I felt.

When it was getting hard for me to walk, we decided to call it quits and head home. It was now 4pm and I hadn't slept since 4am. A nap sounded good.

However, when we got home, a nap was too good to be true. I laid down in bed, and the contractions got so much worse. I was now unable to talk during them, and Aaron had to remind me how to breathe. Otherwise I would forget.

I still refused to go to the hospital again. I was not going again if they would send me away. I couldn't handle another rejection.

Aaron did his best to keep me laughing. Even if I was only laughing on the inside.

Example:

Awful contraction comes.

Aaron:  "Just talk to me. Tell me about it." (Joking, obviously)

Me:  Death stare (lovingly), and pretend to choke him.

He wanted evidence of my violence.

After over an hour of miserable pain, I decided to break down and call the doctor again.

I told him that my contractions were much worse and still consistent. He, of course, told us to come back in. I'm pretty sure they can't argue with you much.

As we got in the car again, I told Aaron I would cry if they didn't let us stay. The ride to the hospital was long, and I thought I was going to pull the handle out of the ceiling of Aaron's car.

We got back to the hospital around 7pm and went up to Labor and Delivery.

We sat in the waiting area for a few minutes until the person who was about to be my worst enemy of the day made her appearance. She had been around that morning and remembered us.

"Oh. You're back." Insert patronizing face. "You know that your contractions could go on like this for a couple of days. We can check you again, but it doesn't mean you're staying. We don't have a triage room right now, so we have to go to a labor room. But, you could still be going back home."

She motioned for us to follow her. I leaned over to Aaron. "Pregnant Whitney" is a bit more dramatic than "Normal Whitney." I whispered, "I'm going to cry, and then I want to kill her."

She dropped us off, and thank God that it was shift change.

After I got changed and in bed, a new, magical, wonderful nurse came in. Her name was Megan. She started getting us set up for round two.

She was much more encouraging, and to my greatest joy, I had dilated to almost four centimeters when she checked. She said she would go call my doctor and asked if there was anything else I needed to ask him.

I said, "Just please ask him not to make me leave."

Aaron and I were optimistic, and our prayers were answered when she came back in.

She smiled, "He said, 'Let's have a baby tonight.'"

To be continued...

on March 19th (it's here!)

Well, today is my due date! I can't believe it's here! I know we may not meet Graeme today, but that's okay. He will be here very soon, and I am just happy to have come this far. Nine months!

Sunday, July 14, 2013 was when we saw our first positive pregnancy test. That was 248 days ago. Crazy.

I was looking back in my journals to remember some of the hard times and great times of this pregnancy. I keep a journal during my quiet time as much as I can (not always as much as I should). Plus, Aaron bought me a "pregnancy journal" back when we first found out about our little Baby Bauer.

The very first written record I have of Graeme (before we even knew he was a boy or his name!) is from July 25, 2013 in my personal journal. I'll fill you in on some of it. The dots are where I skip some stuff.

"You have answered my prayer again. We are pregnant!

....

Yesterday we went to the doctor. We could only see a little black dot on the screen. The doctor said I was only 5 1/2 weeks a long.

....

I don't want to live in fear during this pregnancy [because of our previous miscarriage]. Lord, I know you have a plan for this baby greater than we can imagine. I know this baby is not mine. Not ours. But yours."

Looking back now, I can say with confidence that God did have a plan for this baby and He continued to prove His faithfulness over and over again! At the beginning especially, it was hard for me to be completely excited all of the time because there would often be a fear that would creep in. I did a lot of surrendering my thoughts and worries. I know now more than ever that God is faithful. No matter what.

On August 9, 2013 we got to see our baby for the first time (when you could actually make out a baby shape at least). We saw the little heart beating (didn't get to hear it that time) like a steady blinking light. It was one of the best days of my whole life.

The first trimester was halfway over, and I was definitely feeling yucky. I wrote in my pregnancy journal a few days after that appointment...

"I've definitely felt you [baby] in there this month...unfortunately, it's been because I've been sick a lot more! I just try to remember that it's all worth it. I'd be sick for you any day, sweet baby!"

It was a little over a month until our next appointment, which seemed like forever (little did I know how hard the waiting got at the end!). We got to hear Baby Bauer's heartbeat this time, although they couldn't find it right away (all I could do was pray or I would have freaked out a lot more!). When we heard it by ultrasound, it was amazing, miraculous, wonderful, and all of the other happy emotions. We went home and announced our happy news to the world (wide web) afterwards.

The next day I praised God for again proving His faithfulness to me...

"Yesterday, as I was lying there and they couldn't find the heartbeat and then waiting for the ultrasound, I heard You ask if I still trusted You. And it was then that I felt peace. I can't praise You enough for bringing us through this next milestone. Thank You that the baby is safe and healthy. I'm glad You love it more than I do."

We had made it to the second trimester, and I would say I was pretty happy about it according to my thoughts back then (although, now, it's hard for me to remember being so sick!)...

"This last month was definitely the most challenging so far. I've been pretty tired and sick! The last couple of days I've finally felt much better. I think I've hit the much bragged on second trimester."

On October 23, 2013 we finally got go see if our Baby Bauer was a boy or a girl. I could hardly sleep the night before because I was so excited.

A couple of days before the appointment I had written...

"I can't get over this miracle inside of me. You have created life absolutely amazing. Whoever this baby is, they are Yours. Even though we are excited to see if there is a little Graeme or _____ (still keeping this name a secret!) in there, we really only pray for a healthy baby. We are all in Your hands. I trust You no matter what."

As we all know now, we found out we were indeed having a sweet, snuggly boy!

I wrote in my pregnancy journal as prompted by it that My first reaction [to finding out the gender] was...

"I don't know! It was surreal. I couldn't believe we finally knew. After it sunk in, I was beyond excited. A little boy. I love you so much already, Graeme. I feel like you are even more real. Of course you've been real. But seeing all of your tiny working body parts, your little face, and knowing your gender make it much more tangible. I can't wait to meet you and help shape you into the man God created you to be!"

This blog is getting really long! Sorry. I'll try to sum up the end quickly because I've said most of this in my weekly updates anyway.

The second trimester was a breeze and flew by thanks to birthdays and holidays. I felt great since about the 14th week. We also had fun getting the nursery all painted and ready. Other milestones were feeling the first kicks around week 17 (a few weeks later for Aaron to be able to feel them). In trimester two, I bought two pairs of maternity jeans, one pair of maternity "comfy pants," and one maternity shirt. I was given everything else! So that was awesome. I have not needed to buy anything since then for my wardrobe and still wear almost all my "normal" shirts (jeans are a different story).

As Christmas passed, we entered into the third trimester, and thankfully, I have continued to feel great even to this day. No complaints. Like I said at the beginning of this post, God has over and over again proven His love and faithfulness to me throughout this pregnancy. 

I will end with a couple more thoughts from my journals...

From my pregnancy journal, the prompt was My wishes and hopes and dreams for you (Graeme)...

"I want you to be amazed my your Creator and have a heart that's drawn to Him even as a young child. I pray You will know His love and choose to follow Him forever."

And lastly, from February 11, a good reminder to me as all of this comes to be reality soon...

"Every once in awhile, the fact that I'm going to have a child scares me a little. I guess because it's unknown. I can't imagine doing this without Aaron. And we couldn't do this without You.

I want to always rely on You and your Word for wisdom in parenting. 

When there's bad days, I don't want to forget that You're with me.

When there's good days, I want to give You the glory because it sure won't be because of me!

Help me not to waste a single moment of the short time Graeme is with me. I want him to grow up to be so in love with You."

So then, here we are on March 19, 2014. It's been quite a journey, and I wouldn't trade any of it. The destination is right around the corner. At least, the first stop is. Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts as I'm distracting myself today as much as possible!

(Also, for an actual update, if you've made it this far:  if Graeme doesn't show up today, we go in tomorrow for an ultrasound to check on him. Depending on the findings, we can discuss options for his arrival. So, we are pretty pumped to "see" him tomorrow regardless! We won't complain if he makes us miss the appointment though!)

while I wait. and wait. and wait.

Being pregnant has taught me many things, but recently, I am learning patience.

I don't think it has ever been this hard to be patient for something. I mean, it was hard waiting for our wedding day, but at least I had a date for that. This baby is going to come out when he's ready and there's no telling what day it will be.

As someone who loves scheduling and keeping a calendar and having things planned...well...this is really hard!

These last two or three weeks have found me constantly checking my "happy heart" status and remembering to be patient. And also remembering what I know to be true:

• God's timing is always perfect.
• I can trust God no matter what.
• I am only seeing a small part of a big plan.
• God loves me and Graeme way more than I can fathom.
• God knows best.
• Lots more, but you get the idea!

Thankfully, I'm not physically miserable yet. Despite some slight discomfort, I feel great. So it's really just mentally and emotionally that I am experiencing the end-of-pregnancy blues.

The other day, I went through the concordance at the back of my Bible to claim some truth to get me through another day. These verses are what I am praying as March 19th is fast approaching (and could very well pass by with no baby to be seen yet)...

"We want each of you to be faithful to the very end. We want you to be sure of what you hope for. We don't want you to slow down. Instead, be like those who have faith and are patient. They will receive what God promised."

Hebrews 6:11-12

"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud."

1 Corinthians 13:4

"I was patient while I waited for the Lord.  He turned to me and heard my cry for help."

Psalm 40:1

No matter when Graeme comes, I know it will be right on time. The trick is to just remember that when I start to forget! We are patiently (with God's help!) waiting because that's all we can do. We can't ask for anything more than a healthy baby boy and we praise God and trust Him for this gift of our son.

So, Graeme, we are out here (in this cold, rainy world at the moment) trusting your impending arrival to our great Heavenly Father who knows everything and loves you way more than we do! Whenever you want to join us, we will be ready. We love you a lot and are sure that love will grow even more when we see you. And we hope to see you soon!

in the last week (hopefully)

Only seven more days until our due date on March 19th! We've come such a long way, that I know the end will be here before we know it. (Even if it seems looong still.)

We are anticipating Graeme any day now! He seems pretty cozy in there, but we will see if he decides to make his appearance in the next week!

We had an appointment on Monday and I had dilated a bit more. Hooray for progress! Other than that, no big news. Everything looks great, so the doctor says it's just waiting now. He told us to make an appointment for next week, but that hopefully he wouldn't see us there. We agreed. We'd rather see him at the hospital to deliver our sweet boy.

I don't have my hopes up too much for an early arrival, but that hasn't stopped me praying for one! God knows best, so if he says "Wait!" then wait we will.

I am doing my part to help out. Lots of walking. Lots. And at the gym I've been going back and forth between the elliptical, the treadmill, and the bike. Just helping gravity do it's work.

Graeme is definitely crowded in there because he often has a limb or his butt stretched out quite far. We keep telling him that he would have plenty more room to move if he would just come out to meet us.

Not much else to update. We wait and wait. The house is clean. Half the bags have made it to the car. And every call I make to Aaron, the first thing I hear is, "Are you in labor?!"

Come on little Graeme Grayson Bauer, we are so ready to meet you!

with two weeks left?!

Today marks exactly two weeks until our due date. We know that we could go at any time now, so it's very exciting! I know that I could also go past my due date, but we are staying positive and hoping Graeme comes SOON (or at least not too many days after his due date!). We will be thrilled whenever he comes and know that God's timing will be perfect. 

We've waited this long, so these last weeks are only seemingly long. We are just so ready to love Graeme in person! We love him more that we knew possible already, and we just know the love will expand enormously when we meet him face to face. And to think that God loves him even more is wonderful. It's an amazing reminder of God's love for us. He loved us unconditionally before we were even on this earth, and He knew everything about us (the bad stuff too!).

We will love Graeme unconditionally no matter how long he keeps us up at night, what he looks like, how he does in school, who he marries, or how many times he royally screws up. And we can only love Graeme like that because God loves us so much more than that. Being parents won't always be easy, but we are so excited to start this adventure together. Graeme is not ours really, but God's, and he's given to us for just a small season. We pray that we can use our short time with our son to instill truth and love and selflessness and honesty and so many other things. We never want to take a day for granted, even when we're exhausted or at the end of our rope. It's a big job, but, thankfully, we aren't alone.

Anyway. Back to the weekly update...

I am keeping busy. There's a lot of work for me to do at Journey again now that May curriculum is out. That helps a lot so I'm not just sitting around and bored like I was last week. I have a lot of energy, which is nice. I suppose that's part of the "nesting" that you are supposed to experience at the end of pregnancy. Don't worry though, I'm trying to make sure I get plenty of rest too.

It doesn't bother me to be on my feet, and I figure gravity can do something to get this baby boy on his way down and out, right?!

Aaron and I had an appointment yesterday morning to check on Graeme and see if we were making any progress towards labor. Graeme is doing great in there. His heartbeat is strong and steady. He kept kicking while the heart rate monitor was on. I'd like to think he's trying to kick his way out of there...  I am 0.5 centimeters dilated (hey, it's better than nothing), and 50% effaced. Graeme has dropped a little bit more since the previous week too. At least we have some progress! The doctor said they will see us next week, and if we aren't there for our appointment, they'll know where we are!

I have Braxton Hicks contractions every day off and on. They have not gotten too bad yet. The worst symptom right now is the constant pressure on my bladder!

I am so thankful that I still feel good. No misery yet. Although if March 19th passes by, I'll probably start to feel miserable. At least mentally!

The other update for this week is that we just went to an "orientation" type thing at a pediatricians office. It's close by, recommended by close friends, and we loved the doctor that gave the orientation and tour. I feel great about the office so far, so unless something seems weird when we actually take Graeme for an appointment, I think we've found our pediatrician. They have weekend hours, a 24-hour open phone line to a nurse, and walk-in sick hours almost every day. Sounds good to me.

Well, friends, you never know:  this might be my last weekly update!

Happy March!

I can't believe it's March 1st today! I've never really felt any extremely positive nor negative feelings towards March. I mean, sure, the start of spring is nice. Sometimes Easter is in March. And I do love that extra hour of daylight that comes back. But these days, March might just be one of my favorite months. Graeme will be born this month! (Well, it's highly likely that he will...if he came so late that he wasn't born until April, I would be a wreck...)

Obviously, the fact that we are just 18 days away from our due date on March 19th means that most everything we are looking forward to this month centers around that. Also, we've hardly made any plans this month because obviously they could be cancelled at any moment. But, I'll try to come up with some other things as not to neglect my monthly "here's what's happening around here" post...

1. Pediatrician tour.   (You see, I'm really struggling for "exciting things" here...) This week, we are checking out a local pediatrician for Graeme. They give a tour and you get to meet some of the doctors. I am excited about this because I love being prepared ahead of time, and having this taken care of is one less thing to deal with after Graeme is born. I have a pretty good feeling that we will like them because we know someone who worked there for years and still goes there. (I figure if you don't work for someone anymore and would still recommend them, they must be good!)
2. Sarah's shower.    Assuming that we are not in the hospital or something, next Saturday is my future sister-in-law's bridal shower. She and my brother are getting married in just three months!
3. Time change.   I know it kind of sucks to lose an hour of sleep when we "spring forward" an hour, but I think the extra daylight trumps any slight feeling of tiredness. I love when it doesn't get dark so early. It just makes me happier.
4. Spring.   At this point, I am ready for warmer weather badly. I don't mind winter so much, but I am looking forward to walks outside with my husband and our baby and our Penny. The pollen, however, can die with winter.
5. Graeme Grayson.   We are so ready for Graeme to be here! Every day we wonder if it will be today. It's hard to believe that by the end of the month he will be here with us. We are praying for a safe, uneventful delivery whenever it may be.

Well, like I said, it's a sparse month looking ahead, but we know at any point this month our world will be thrown into (hopefully somewhat organized) chaos. Stay tuned. March will be a great month!